Dungeons and Dragons movie Review

dungeons … Dungeons …

“I’m going to join the great Hall!”

”you can’t, it’s a trap!” “i have spells.

I’m going to fly.” “Jay-Jay, what am I doing here?!” “Kate, why can’t I remember?!”. So far in my Bad D&D movies series, we’ve seen a lot of absolute trash. But there’s another kind of Dungeons and Dragons movie, just as there is another side to the Dungeons and Dragons phenomenon. “Tonight, we begin with a story about make-believe adventure and real-life violence.” “And what some critics fear is a connection between the two in a game called Dungeons & Dragons.”. Oh yes, it’s finally time to talk about the Dungeons & Dragons moral panic movies. Yes, movies! There are multiple! And they’re pretty stupid. “The real inducement in this case were the three D’s, Your Honor: Dungeons and Dragons… and drugs!”.

Ooh, I’ve been tingling from my head down to my balls with anticipation. But this article - and this whole D&D series - has not only been about ripping on bad movies, but also about celebrating the great game of D&D. And one way we can celebrate our love for this game - as well as all our other passions - comes courtesy of this article’s sponsor, Displate. Displate offers an incredible range of high quality metal posters, available with a choice of frames and either a matte or gloss finish. Which in addition to being sturdy and durable, will look great wherever you decide to put them. Naturally, being a massive D&D Nerd, in keeping with the theme of this article, I just had to go for large versions of the artwork from the three core D&D Manuals. So I can display them in all of their glory. I mean, just look at these.

They’re so freaking cool! But it’s not just D&D stuff. You can express your passion for movies article games and even religious icons. Sorry! Couldn’t resist. And much much more, because they have an insane amount of cool designs and collections to choose from, so whatever it is you’re in to, you’ll find something here. They’re also very easy to mount with no need to damage your walls with nails or screws. If necessary, clean the wall with the wipes provided, then wait 10 minutes for the wall to dry. Peel the back off the protective paper, then peel and press carefully to the wall to remove any air bubbles. Then peel the paper off the back of the magnets, firmly press and hold the magnets to the protective paper for at least 5 seconds.

Then stick the metal poster to the magnets, and you’re done! It really is that simple and easy. And if you want to move or swap them around, that’s also a piece of cake. In addition to providing a great product and service, Displate are also a pretty decent company, with an ethos that involves sincere efforts to make a positive impact on the world. Through their marketplace, they promote and support tens of thousands of artists around the world. And for every Displate that gets sold, they plant a tree as part of the Forest Garden project, not only helping the environment, but also providing a sustainable source of food and income for impoverished communities. So that’s pretty cool too. And just for you guys, my audience, they’re offering a special discount. So click the link in the article description and pinned comment to pick up some of these fabulous Displates for yourself, and help support the channel.

Thanks to Displate for being absolute legends, and now let’s get back to the insanity. As with anything new and strange and, let’s be honest, fun (because these people are boring!) certain pearl-clutching busybodies like to scream “Think of the Children!” and rail against the non-existent dangers of something they don’t understand. And D&D had its turn in the 80s, with the scaremongering media, ignorant law enforcement, deluded parents and backwards preachers all lining up to denounce the game, using it as a convenient scapegoat and an excuse to ignore real issues.

“Since these games are so violence-oriented, you

Do not just play at the game.

You become the game. You are the game.”. D&D was accused of being responsible for all manner of evils, with news segments seriously asking the question: “Is D&D dangerous?” “For instance, one case the parents were actually- saw their child “summon a Dungeons & Dragons demon into his room before he k*lled himself.”. Yeah, okay mate.

Whatever… “This is make-believe. And nobody’s murdered. And there’s no violence there.” “This is as unscientific as you can get. It’s nothing but a witch hunt!”. This controversy actually helped D&D in the long run, massively boosting sales. Because when you try to make something taboo, kids will just want to do it more. And when the kids are sounding more rational than you, you’re doing something wrong. “Well I think the parents should get into the game, see how it is and then they can start judging if they’re- if they should let their child play or not.” ”I only play here and when I leave the store, I leave the game in the store.

I go out. And into life.”. This all seems very stupid in retrospect, because it is but at the time, D&D was still an incredibly niche hobby. And public ignorance about roleplaying games made it very easy for misinformation to spread and fear of the unknown to be exploited. And thus D&D was falsely blamed for a number of unrelated tragedies. “All three played Dungeons & Dragons together, Darren intensively, up to sixteen hours a day." “The defence lawyer maintains that the game was a major factor in determining Darren’s behaviour, “and he is asking for the lesser charge of manslaughter.” “OBJECTION!” “Again I have to go back and say that there’s no link.

That this is-” “Except perhaps in the minds of those people who are looking desperately for any other cause “than perhaps their own failure as a parent.”. The most notorious such case - and arguably the one that started it all - was that of.

James Dallas Egbert III. A troubled student at Michigan State University who ran away after a failed attempt to take his own life. His disappearance was widely reported in the media and he eventually came forward to the private investigator hired by his parents, William Dear, on the condition that Dear not reveal the truth about why went missing. Now, despite there not actually being much evidence to support this, Egbert was said to have an avid player of D&D, and students were rumoured to have live-action-roll-played the game in the steam tunnels below the university, which is where Egbert had first tried to end it all. While he was still missing, Dear, knowing almost nothing about RPGs, speculated that D&D may have possibly contributed to the breakdown of Egbert’s mental state, and that he may have been injured or killed during such roleplay. This of course was complete bollocks, And Dear would eventually reveal the truth about what happened in his 1984 book, The Dungeon Master. But by then, it was too late. The media accepted his speculations as fact.

And tales of transgressive exploits and the dangers of this mysterious new hobby were too good to resist. They had their latest scare story, and they ran with it. One person in particular who ran with it was Rona Jaffe, with her 1981 book Mazes & Monsters. Which presents a fictionalised account of the Egbert case, based pretty much entirely on the sensationalised media reports. Its story focuses on a group of D&D players, one of whom becomes unable to distinguish between reality and the fictional game and has a complete psychotic breakdown.

Despite it being merely speculative and ultimately

Nonsense, the general public and the media took mazes & monsters to be an accurate portrayal of.

Dungeons and Dragons and the effects it

Can have on certain vulnerable individuals.

And this contributed to widespread ignorance of the game and helped further fan the flames of the moral panic.

It was adapted into a made-for-TV movie in 1982 and this is the most infamous of the D&D moral panic movies, so it’s a perfect place to start. Considering its notoriety, I was expecting something along the lines of Cyber Seduction or Reefer Madness in terms of silliness. But I left disappointed. It does have its share of ridiculous misconceptions and funny-bad moments, but it’s mostly the boring kinda bad. The production quality is about as bad as you’d expect from a 40-year-old TV movie. Its story is a mess, its pacing is horrible, and it’s very obvious that it had to be stretched into 100 minutes so CBS could make more ad revenue, I’m going to skim over much of what happens in the story, because most of it is too dull to even make fun of. It follows a group of university students who play a D&D-like game called Mazes & Monsters. One of these characters is a 16-year-old prodigy, as was Egbert.

But oddly enough, Egbert’s role in this story is actually split between this character and the character played by a fresh-faced Tom Hanks in his first leading role. Yeah, I know! Before he was famous, this is what Tom Hanks was doing. Look at his cute little face! His expression here really doesn’t fit the tone of the movie, although it is somewhat unnerving In his defense, he is by far the greatest thing about the movie, providing the best performance by a mile and also being responsible for most of the comedy. The rest of the acting is less exemplary. “I was always like Mr Spock from Star Trek. I thought I had no feelings like a vulcan.” “You’re not like Mr Spock at all! You’re like uh… the Tin Man.”. If Mazes & Monsters hadn’t been related to D&D and hadn’t included future mega-star. Tom Hanks as its protagonist, this movie would have been long-forgotten, because it’s otherwise very unnoteworthy.

But in addition to spreading misconceptions about D&D, it unintentionally becomes a parody of the very scaremongering attitudes that it takes. Its portrayal of D&D is laughably bad, and it’s very clear that this was written by someone who had only the faintest idea of how the game works. As with Cyber Seduction, it’s so inaccurate and ridiculous that you can’t take its message seriously. This starts right from the get-go, as a reporter spouts off a bunch of sensationalised nonsense about the game, just as the media did about D&D in the Egbert case. “The point of the game is to amass a fortune without being killed. It’s kind of a psychodrama, you might say." “Where these people deal with problems in their lives by acting them out. “But in this case, there might be a loss of distinction between reality and fantasy. And possibly, the loss of life in the process.”.

They also talk about players reaching levels, not their characters, getting excited that Tom Hanks’s Robbie is level 9, even though he doesn’t play anymore. The Mazes & Monsters group that he joins were struggling to find other members, which I find hard to believe at a University, the prime breeding ground for D&D players at that time. But he joins them anyway, even though he’s not supposed to because he got kicked out of his previous school for getting addicted to M&M. Which is what I’m going to start calling it now, deal with it. This group is composed of child prodigy Jay Jay, who’s socially awkward, wears a lot of hats for some reason, and has a mother who doesn’t respect his boundaries. “Mother, this is my sanctuary. My nest.” “When you change it like this, which you do every time I turn my back, you obliterate me! You wipe me out!” “It’s just driving me crazy!”. Told you the acting was bad….

He also has a talking bird, whose voice has been badly dubbed.

“Does it talk?” BIRD: “Birds can’t talk!”.

There’s also Daniel, whose parents don’t want him to follow his passion to become a game designer, but who is otherwise as vanilla as his hair. And Kate, the hot girl of the D&D group, which immediately sets this film up to be a complete fantasy. (I’m gonna get a lot of angry emails about that joke, aren’t I…). All the members of this group have some sort of issues. And they use the game as a way to work through their problems. D&D can be cathartic, but it was never intended to be some kind of role-play therapy.

Nor as something in which players simply live out their own fantasies. But that doesn’t make for a good scare story, so f*ck it! Daniel takes the role of DM (or here Maze Controller) for their first game, which is set up to look like some kind of occult ritual. His DM screen is really small, his players could easily see over that. This upsets me. As time goes by and they continue to play, Robbie develops a relationship with Kate. He confides in her that his brother Hall ran away on Halloween and was never seen again. It feels like this anecdote comes from nowhere, and this is like 20 minutes in, by the way. He has nightmares about his brother, which are meant to be dramatic, but just come across as silly.

The plot takes its first truly ridiculous turn as, feeling lonely and upset that Robbie rescheduled M&M - which is really up to the Maze Controller, but okay -. Jay Jay decides - and I am not making this up! - to leave his mark on the world by offing himself! “I know: the caverns! The mysterious forbidden Peakwood caverns! ‘Boy genius suicides in caverns!’” “They’d talk about it forever. I’d be immortal.”. Yeah I’m sure that’s what Egbert was thinking! How could they write this?! So he goes to the caverns, but then I guess he thinks “oh hey, we could play M&M in here, I guess I won’t kill myself after all!” *groan* For fuck’s sake…. At their next session, his character jumps into a pit without checking what’s in it like a complete dumbass, gets impaled on pikes and the Maze Controller instantly kills him, not even bothering to roll for damage. Which seems really f*cking harsh! Mad about his character dying, Jay Jay suggests that they live action roleplay in the caves. They’re a bit reluctant because the caves are dangerous and they might get expelled, but they decide to give it a go. Things go very well until Robbie gets lost and starts hallucinating a monster in front of him and loses his sh*t.

Yes, this did escalate quickly. From this point, he’s so into the game that believes he’s living it as his Cleric character Pardue. That night he has another dream, in which ‘The Great Hall’ talks to him as Pardue, saying that to obtain the highest level, he needs to be pious in all things, including being celibate. So the next morning, he dumps his girlfriend. “I love you and I will always love you. I just can’t touch you anymore.”. Remember: pussy is temporary, D&D is eternal. It’s okay though, Kate quickly rebounds onto John Carmack here.

“I was always afraid to get involved with you, because you were so attractive.”. Well, she does have low standards…. Robbie continues to act in character and give off serial killer vibes.

Another dream tells him that when he

Is worthy, he will come to the two towers and be one with the great hall.

So after a bunch of other sh*t

Happens that’s really not important, robbie runs away to pursue his quest.

His friends realise he’s gone and find his map, but dismiss it as a reference to Tolkien. They report him missing and a police investigator interrogates them, repeating some of the misconceptions from the Egbert case. “One of the players Robbie played with got carried away and killed him.” “That’s kinda of far out!” “Mazes and Monsters is a far out game.” “Battles, maiming, killing!” “Hey, it’s all imagination!” “Is it?!”.

Yes. Yes, it is. and trying to establish that the fault lies entirely with RPGs by eliminating other factors. “Robbie a doper?”. They secretly tip off the cops that he might be in the caverns, but a search reveals nothing, and the media circus begins. While this is going on, Robbie wanders aimlessly through the streets of Manhattan. He gets accosted by some hooligans straight out of Grease, hallucinates that they’re monsters and stabs one of them. This scene this scene speaks for itself, really.

He temporarily snaps out of it and phones Kate. I sped up the movie to make it quicker to rewatch, and this scene is hilarious when you do that. “Oh no, I can't remember! There’s blood on my knife!” KATE: “Knife?! What happened?” “It’s on my hands! I think I killed somebody! I know I killed somebody!”. She tells him to go to Jay Jay’s house, but on the way, he panics again and runs into the subway. Back in Pardue mode, he creeps his way through the subway utility tunnels, freaks out at some bats, and runs into a homeless man. Who jokes about being a king, and Robbie takes his word for it. The homeless man directs him to the Two Towers. Which his friends finally work out after 26 minutes of movie time might be a reference to THE TWIN TOWERS! Yup, the f*cking World Trade Centre.

Just one more reason this movie is so weird to watch nowadays. So after f*cking around for a while, they find him about to jump the viewing deck of the observatory. “I’m going to join the great Hall.” “You can’t, it’s a trap!” “I have spells. I’m going to fly.” “You don’t have enough points, I am the Maze Controller!” “Maze C- Maze Controller?” “Yes. And I have absolute authority in this game!” “Jay-Jay, what am I doing here?!” “Kate, why can’t I remember?!”. The ending shows that Robbie has completely lost touch with reality and is now only Pardue, perhaps never being able to return to normal. “Pardue saw the monsters. We saw nothing but the death of hope.

And the loss of our friend.” “And so we played the game until the sun began to set, and all the monsters are dead.”. But yeah, this is utterly ridiculous, and not at all what happened in the Egbert case. Much like Egbert, Robbie was already in a vulnerable place, with a variety of factors that ultimately contributed to his breakdown. But those important factors are almost completely ignored in favour of scapegoating a game that - in all likelihood - would have actually benefited him greatly. And this whole thing about players losing touch with reality? There’s very little evidence to suggest that this ever happens, and there was certainly none at that time. Ultimately Mazes & Monsters is a failure of a message movie not just because it’s badly made, but because it’s so incorrect and ridiculous that anyone who has any actual knowledge on this subject can’t help but laugh at it. But just screaming “D&D BAD” to the ignorant masses is an easier way to exploit a tragedy.

And speaking of exploitation, next up we

Have a horror movie, 1983’s skullduggery.

About a RPG player who goes on a killing spree. Fox News’s wet dream. With whopping 2.4/10 on IMDB and a 0% audience score on Rotten Tomatoes, I was expecting great things. But it only *partly* delivered. It is really cheesy and bad, but again not in a way that would be noteworthy if it didn’t relate in some way to D&D. That’s the only thing that saves it from the dustbin of history. It’s not so much amusing “what the f*ck?!” and more incomprehensible “what the f*ck?”. It barely qualifies as a movie, more closely resembling a drug-induced nightmare.

Although it does have its moments. “Heyheyhey Barbara, wanna see why they call me BJ?” *Laughs* “You’re full of hot air, you know that?” “Yeah? Wanna watch me suck a greyhound bus through a straw?”. There’s also this bit where a nurse borks a doctor, who is then inexplicably wearing a gorilla costume. I just… I just can’t. In fact, a lot of people in this movie are pretty horny. “Let’s pretend that I’m the mommy, and you’re the good little boy.” “Now, Mommy will take good care of her good little boy!”. What the fuck am I watching…?! But in general the movie is cringe from start to finish, like an amateur student production. Like, I don’t even know how to describe it.

It’s just… just look at this: “This man is not the killer.” “He’s got blood all over him!” “Elementary, my dear Watson.” “It isn’t blood.” “It’s ketchup.” “He’s right!” “We’ve got the wrong guy!” "Brilliant conclusion, Chief!". Very little about the movie makes any sense, the plot is barely comprehensible, and there are long stretches where nothing significant happens. The protagonist, Adam, is part of a group of players in a game that isn’t D&D, but it’s obviously meant to be similar. Adam is the current descendant of a long line of men who have been cursed by the devil, as shown in a prologue that features American accents and 80s hairstyles in Medieval England. Was this directed by Mel Gibson? 600 years later in America, while working backstage at a theatre during a talent contest, a weird magician casts a spell on him, causing him to start to believe that he really is the warlock character he plays in the game. The actor looks like he has a wardrobe full of human faces, so either he did his job well, or he wasn’t acting…. And he somehow manages to look like the worst parts of all the Beatles combined. Funnily enough, this also features Wendy Crewson, who played Kate in Mazes & Monsters.

Not that she does much to improve the experience. The rest of the acting is… pretty atrocious. “Give me the police!”. After barely any setup and justification, increasingly unable to tell fact from fiction, Adam stalks and kills a bunch people. And that is as weird and dumb as it sounds. The villain is even called Dr Evil, for Christ’s sake! The DM eventually invites Adam to a costume party at Dr Evil’s house. Where Dr Evil asks him to kill the other party guests, so he has a good old go at it. He eventually gets caught though, and after a long and very incompetent cat and mouse scene, in which Freddy Mercury meets an unfortunate end, he commits suicide by cop.

Then in the final scene of the movie, the group plays again one last time with the suit of armour in Adam’s place.

The armour then comes alive and kills the DM.

Who turns out to have been Doctor

Evil/the devil all along.

The movie gives us the finger and then it just f*cking ends. [Upbeat music]. What is this music?! Why is *this* the end theme?! WHAT THE F*CK IS THIS MOVIE?! There are so many more layers to this pile of sh*t that I’m simply not willing to explore in this article. You’ll have to check out the insanity for yourself. Just… maybe do a lot of drugs beforehand.

The RPG doesn’t feature heavily, and Skullduggery doesn’t so much criticise D&D as merely use it as a premise for a stupid and trippy slasher film. So it isn’t really a D&D moral panic movie, although it definitely fed on that panic and may have helped to spread some ignorance to all 4 of its viewers. Basing a horror movie around D&D is all good fun and games. But unfortunately, D&D has also been blamed for a few real-life murders. In 1988, Chris Pritchard conspired with two of his friends to kill his stepfather in order to inherit his fortune. The police and the media pretty much ignored that obvious motivation, and focused instead on the fact that the friends played D&D together, with the murderer being the Dungeon Master. So it must have been D&D’s fault right?! “Chris Pritchard was not the inducement in this case, he simply was not!” “The real inducement in this case were the three D’s, Your Honor: Dungeons & Dragons… and Drugs!”. Mr MACKIE: “Drugs are bad! You shouldn’t do drugs.

If you do them, you’re bad. "Because drugs are bad. M’kay?”. The link between D&D and the crime was extremely tenuous, but we know how this story goes by now. The case and subsequent trial were the subject of two books, Cruel Doubt and Blood Games, both published in 1991. These were then adapted respectively into a 2-part miniseries also titled ‘Cruel Doubt’, and a TV movie called ‘Honor Thy Mother’. The latter I could only find the trailer for and a few scenes for online, and some other… less relevant results Cruel Doubt was much easier to find. But there’s really not much I can say about it.

It’s pretty standard for a boring TV melodrama from the early 90’s. Although curiously, it had a lot of recognisable faces in it, including our dear beloved friend, a 20-year-old Gywneth Paltrow. I just can’t escape her, can I? Everything just keeps coming full circle. And the guy playing Pritchard looks like Ben Shapiro, which I found quite amusing. STEPFATHER GETS DESTROYED BY FACTS AND LOGIC! The movie repeatedly tries to scare its audience about Dungeons and Dragons, even reading out altered pages of the Player’s Handbook to make it look like it had directly inspired the crime. “The players enter a castle and kill the Overlord in his sleep. If successful, they will inherit all of his wealth and powers.” “The more times they stab the Overlord, the more experience points they will receive.”. This is actually despicable! TSR should have sued them.

All that Cruel Doubt proves is how ridiculous it is to try to blame a horrific tragedy on a nerdy game. “I tell ya it’s obvious that these drugged-up kids decided to act out this Dungeons and. Dragons fantasy for real.” “Yeah.”. But it wasn’t just the media and law enforcement that took this attitude during this era. The usual suspects, right-wing fundamentalist Christians, once again came out of the woodwork to condemn something they didn’t understand in order to scare their congregations and stay relevant.

‘D&D is satanic, it encourages witchcraft and

The occult, it’s an instrument of evil!’.

You know, the usual puritanical brainfarts. “And this has happened, I have letter after letter where people took the pieces, “now, there’s sixes involved in the pieces of the game, they’d take the pieces of the game, “they would throw them in the incinerator or in the fireplace and screams would come out, “because there seemed to be some kind of spiritual forces inhabiting those pieces!”.

I’ll take sh*t that didn’t happen for 500, Alex! One man who offered his two cents on this was Jack Chick, who published a series of small morality comics known as ‘Chick Tracts’ in order to spread his fundamentalist - and often downright bigoted - views. Chick didn’t like a lot of people, and his comics are full of insane conspiracy theories and incredibly offensive statements. And naturally he joined in on the anti-D&D hysteria with his 1984 comic Dark Dungeons, in which two college students, Debbie and Marcie, get involved with the game, which. Chick portrays as a gateway to the occult. I’d recommend reading this comic for yourselves. It’s… pretty funny, even if ironically so. Dark Dungeons became somewhat of a joke among D&D players, and it was adapted into a short film in 2014 by Zombie Orpheus Entertainment, or ZOE for short. This movie was officially endorsed by Chick himself, who gave them the rights for free.

I guess he was flattered that someone wanted to make something out of his f*cking garbage, although whether he saw the finished product is unclear. For that reason, they never outright state that the film is a parody, but that’s what it is. And judging by their tumblr posts, these guys have perfected the art of irony. To further highlight its satirical nature, they also throw in some obvious references to Mazes and Monsters. “RPGs are a far out game!” “Maiming, killing!” “Yeah, but it’s all imagination!” “Is it?!”. Dark Dungeons one of the funniest parodies I’ve ever seen. The reason it’s so successful at satirising its source material is because it simply shows it in all its absurd glory. Despite the ridiculous things that happen, it’s all entirely consistent with Jack Chick’s worldview.

They didn’t over do it and it’s played completely straight-faced. “Roleplaying games are the perfect gateway to embracing Satan, and have spread far and wide across the land.”. If Jack Chick had made this himself as a serious movie, it probably wouldn’t be much different. Except we’d all be laughing at it, rather than with it. They knew they didn’t have to change that much, and that’s why it’s so brilliant. It opens with a occult ceremony - because of course it does - in which a evil cult discuss their plot to take over the world. “I am excited to announce that this year more people have decided to be homosexuals than ever before in history.”. Well, they do say don’t knock it till you tried it! Then we cut to our wholesome Christian students Debbie and Marcie, excited to head off to college and spread the word o’ Jesus.

In their freshman orientation, they get shown an introductory movie from the 1950s. The era Jack Chick was stuck in, appropriately enough. “Who are those people?” “Those are the RPGers. We’ve been trying to get them thrown off campus for years, but they’re just too popular!” *Laugh* What?! But then, Chick would think that the D&D players were the cool kids on campus. I’m sure players from that era fondly remember all the sessions they spend drowning in pussy. “They just wanna see what it’s like, but after they’ve tried it once, not one “NOT ONE has ever stopped!”. To be fair, D&D is a bit like crack for nerds.

And Debbie and Marcie can’t resist the

Urge to check it out.


“If we don’t go to this party,

You and i would be spending all saturday alone together "in our dorm room.

And how much fun could we have doing that?” “Not much, I guess…”. I do not remember this from the comic, what?! They drop a lot of not-so-subtle hints that Marcie is gay, an angle that Chick probably have enjoyed. Although probably for the wrong reasons… *Loud party music*. Yeah, this is completely what Tabletop societies are like! And not a wretched hive of social awkwardness and energy drinks. “Are you ready to RPG?” *Crowd cheers* “THEN LET’S GET READY TO R-P-G!”. Crowd Chanting: “R-P-G! R-P-G!”. Goddamn, I wish my players were this enthusiastic.

Crowd Chanting: “R-P-G! R-P-G!”. And this level of cohesion just does *not* happen in D&D groups. We are entirely in the realms of fantasy now. The society is run by Mistress Frost, who is way too old to go to this school, and is also probably a dominatrix. “We’re not chicken!” “Then prove it by playing!” “Here! This has everything you need to know.”. Yeah, play the game or you’re a pussy! You just gotta read this big instruction manual first…. They also skip over the three hours of character creation, with the DM just telling them who their characters are. What the f*ck?! That’s somebody’s miniature! “We don’t have to kill him, do we?” “No, you could show mercy to your enemy, and all it would cost would be your gold and your weapons!”.

Oh, she’s one of those DMs “I will slay the helpless foe! I have no mercy, I am chaotic neutral!”. No, that’s chaotic evil, get it right! Although that is what how most chaotic neutral players interpret it. “I stab him, with a poisoned dagger! You want it? Huh?” “You want it? Then take it! Take it! TAKE IT!”. Are you gonna… roll to hit then? Wait, why is my peepee hard… “That was the best RPGing I’ve seen in 15 years!”. How old is this guy?! They soon become addicted to the game, neglecting everything else to continue playing. Debbie’s professor warns her that her grades are slipping, and that she needs to get an. A on her next paper or fail his class. At their next session, Mistress Frost makes her a tempting offer.

“You mean wou’re going to teach me how to have the real power?!” “You have the personality for it, now.”. She then inducts her into the cult, just like in the comic. From her get up, I was expecting her to try to earn some *cough* extra credit. But she just uses mind control magic to make him give her an A+, and not the D. They must have thought the father angle was a bit *too* kinky. “ I think your hands are perfect for spellcasting! So delicate and small." "There’s so much that you could do with them.”. Ooh I like where this is going! “I could go for some stronger stuff.” “Then it is time for L-A-R-P!”. Ah yeah! I’ll go fetch my choking belt… “Who are you?!” “Uh… I’m Marcie.” “NO!” *Slap* “You are not Marcie!”.

Told you she was a dominatrix. “It appears to be some kind of Arabic. Wait, Marcie, didn’t you learn Arabic?” “You needed it to convert the Muslims who didn’t realise they were actually worshipping the Moon God.”.

What’s even funnier is that that’s something

That jack chick actually believed! major props to these actors for getting through that line with a straight face.

It turns out to be the Necronomicon, presumably the original version by Abdul Alhazred. (See, I know my sh*t). So Marcie translates it, and our boy Cthulhu gets a cameo. He needs a sacrifice in order to fully rise, but the person has to take their own life, for some reason.

And then they get attacked by Mr Wifebeater dressed as a barbarian. “Coup-de-grace! Coup-de-grace! Coup-de-grace!” “Well played! You have defeated Tiamat, and only need to exit the dungeon to earn your reward.”. I wonder if she says that after coitus. She insta-kills Marcie’s character and kicks her from the game. Debbie refuses to break character and tells her to be gone. Marcie is so traumatised by this that she ragequits life! They make token efforts to make it seem solemn, but in this context, it’s just hilarious. “NOOOOO! Marcie! You didn’t have to do that…” “It would have happened sooner or later. Her character was too weak.

“All was good for was reading the Necronomicon and summoning Cthulhu!”. What do you mean that’s all she was good for?! What are you trying to say about my homie?! Also, didn’t Cthulhu already get summoned after Marcie died? Did- did he get lost?! Frost tells Debbie about the rise of the monsters she helped to bring about, but Debbie, still in character, heads down to the steam tunnels to destroy them.

Where she gets attacked by a literal pile of sh*t. “Why don’t you come join me? In Hell!” “God help me! GOD HELP ME!”. Preacher Boy basically says “RPGs are evil, and y’all need some Jesus.”. So they go to church. “Gather up all your occult paraphernalia. The rock music, occult books, including those by C S Lewis and J R R Tolkein!”.

What about H. P. Lovecraft? He was a bigot too, is he good? *Booing* Why are you booing me? I’m right! So Debbie repents and the evil spirit of Dark Dungeons is cast out of her, which causes the world domination plot to fail and their super secret base to f*cking explode! The power of Christ compels you, bitch! And it ends with a good old-fashioned book burning.

Oh, go on, thrown it on! Do it! DO IT! But she unfortunately doesn’t. So yeah, that’s Dark Dungeons. I’d highly recommend you watch it for yourselves, you won’t be disappointed. It’s available to purchase via the official website, or you can watch it with ads on their channel. And what better way to ridicule the D&D moral panic than to simply present it in all its stupidity.

That hysteria around Dungeons and Dragons eventually subsided as people realised how absurd it was, and the pearl-clutchers moved on to new, more popular targets. Leaving only a few fringe nutjobs to harp on about the evils of tabletop roleplaying. “I don’t know what game you’re talking about, “I know there was one called Dungeons & Dragons that literally destroyed peoples lives!” “I mean they got into this thing and they were almost- like it was demonic!” “So it is demonic, demons are out to destroy you!”. No, D&D is not demonic, you silly old man, it’s wonderful. I know I’m preaching to the choir here, but I feel like stating it for the record. Anyone who tries to scapegoat D&D and use it as an excuse to ignore the real issues that need to be addressed is a f*cking idiot. As well as being a fun hobby that has brought millions of people great memories and countless hours of entertainment, D&D has helped many of those people cope with issues affecting their lives, break out of their shells, and become better people. D&D is a great thing, and I know that it’s definitely helped me in many ways.

It’s something that I’d urge everyone try at least once. So give it a go. It may change your life. And so that rounds out this series on bad Dungeons and Dragons movies. But we’re not quite finished yet. Because they’re making another official Dungeons and Dragons movie, due to come out in 2022. And unless my channel gets deleted, or dies, you’d better believe I’ll be there. But until then, folks, stay safe! “And may your rolls be ever natural!”.